if forgiveness is understanding than I offer mea culpa for the millionth time

it's been a while the last time I wrote. I've feeling kinda blocked because everything's doing so well I had nothing to explore. well... at least until last wednesday (oh wednesdays!) when my biggest harmony started falling apart. at first, I wasn't happy with myself doing only for the others. we all know I'm addicted to it and that it's not all about running away from taking care of me, it's also my nature. conclusion: I need to learn saying no. respect my limits and don't try to overcome them always. the thing is believing in human's infinity capacity I consider everything's able to happen. it makes harder saying no. people don't need to say yes and neither do I. this can be a way to accept no as well. I don't have to impose my trust. I need to respect other people's evolution the same way they shall respect mine. and their beliefs the same way.
second: having this nature and being conscious about it, I HAVE to look and take care of the one who's with me. instead of feeling thankless, see if the one is actually craving what I'm thinking it is.
each day I try harder not to look at my ego and sometimes it happens to explode. I couldn't feel sorrier about hurting the one I most love, respect and am so proud of. I'm totally aware of what I've done and I truly understand all this pain and missing. just hope she comes back next!

Jenny, lucid as ever